The Measure of Your Child’s Values

They say that the family is the basic unit of society, it is where life begins and it is where our values are first molded. How we present ourselves to others and how we behave outside of our home reflects the kind of family we are from. So whatever we do and whatever we become will always reflect our family especially our parents. This immediate notion by most people seems unfair. They seem to forget that each of us is gifted with intelligence and freewill from which our rights and duties are delivered – which means that each of us has a mind of our own; we are responsible for our own actions.

True that a child’s basic values come from home, it is where they first had their learning experience – their first teachers are their family members particularly the older ones like their parents and older brothers/sisters then followed by their personal experiences at home with the rest of the family members. However, as the child grows older his/her relationships also extend outside of the family; he/she begins to develop acquaintances and friendships which later on can possibly flourish into something more complex or perplex that contributes to the factors influencing the child’s development and growth. This is where and when parent’s control over their child is weakened because the kid starts to have a mind of his/her own influenced by the increasing factors surrounding him/her other than his/her parents. So it is unfair to always blame the parents for a person’s indiscretion or unethical behaviors. Although they say that the values of a person roots from the home he/she grew up in, know that a person’s values, beliefs, principles and philosophy are not absolute – it is always subject to change depending on the circumstances and factors surrounding the individual that may influence his/her state of mind. What and how a person may have been brought up with will not always follow when a person starts to have a life outside of the house. The parent’s control over their children seems confined within the household. Although they have a lifetime authority over their children wherever they may be, that does not mean they have total control over them. They don’t have their eyes on them 24-hours a day, every day. Besides, children like any other human beings have the right to exercise their freedom to find themselves within the crowd and to dramatically learn independence in life.

So every time the kids step out of the house they seem to be on their own  armed with the knowledge and values inculcated to them at home as the basis of their decision-making in whatever choice they have to make. The circumstances they get into serves as the measure of their principle and conviction as much as the strength of their parent’s influence. But every event and situation that an individual gets involved in is an experience; and in every experience there is learning that may influence an individual’s way of thinking and outlook on life  and thereby can either strengthen his/her fundamental values from home or tarnish them with something of his/her own. Every time a person goes out of the house, whenever he/she comes back home he/she brings something new to himself/herself be it material things, knowledge, inspirations or emotional and psychological baggage which could influence his/her moral and ethical standards towards himself/herself and others. What he/she becomes one day is what he/she made out of himself/herself. That is why we can not just put all the blame as to how the parents of a certain individual rear and disciplined him/her because each of us has a mind of our own, as we grow older we see and learn what is right from wrong for us, as well as what is good from bad; we start to form our own principles and philosophy showing our individual authenticity which distinguishes us from one another. We learn to find our own point of view on things and occurrences around us and make convictions from our own standpoint – it may be different and may even be defying the norms of society or deviate from customs and traditions but what is clear here is the fact that an individual composes himself/herself regardless of how he/she is influenced. It always depends on how the person exercises his/her intelligence and freewill from the never ending choices he/she has to make in his/her journey to life.

Experiences whether good or bad have great influence as to what we may become but we always have the power to both learn from our experiences and do better and to make changes for our own good and others, or we can just let the experiences overwhelm us and halt our growth and chances of a better life. We are what we make of our own selves. No one knows us better than ourselves, not even the person closest to us really knows what is totally within our hearts and minds. How we think, feel and speak defines us to other people but what they see is not quite all of what we are is.

Although each of us may define partly our family that does not follow at all times. Rather each of us, as our individual selves adds more to what our family is. This goes to show that the measure of a child’s values can be seen on how he/she acts upon a situation, the choices of words he/she utters or speaks and the thoughts as well as ideas he/she produces from his/her mind. It is not just from the kind of family a person has or with how the individual’s parents discipline and rear him/her but with how and what he/she prefers and chooses to be for his/her own self and for others.

-          Lizzy Grace E. Johnson

May 2012

 

Whatever we do and whatever we become
will always reflect our family especially our parents.
- LGJ

How we present ourselves to others
and how we behave outside of our home
reflects the kind of family we are from.
- LGJ

Each of us has a mind of our own;
we are responsible for our own actions.
- LGJ

Children like any other human beings
have the right to exercise their freedom
to find themselves within the crowd and
to dramatically learn independence in life.
- LGJ

Every time the kids step out of the house they seem to be on their own
armed with the knowledge and values inculcated to them at home
as the basis of their decision-making in whatever choice they have to make.
- LGJ

Each of us has a mind of our own,
as we grow older we see and learn
what is right from wrong for us,
as well as what is good from bad;
we start to form our own principles and philosophy
showing our individual authenticity
which distinguishes us from one another.
- LGJ

Every time a person goes out of the house,
whenever he/she comes back home
he/she brings something new to himself/herself
be it material things, knowledge, inspirations or
emotional and psychological baggage
which could influence his/her moral and ethical standards
towards himself/herself and others.
- LGJ

We are what we make of our own selves.
No one knows us better than ourselves,
not even the person closest to us really knows
what is totally within our hearts and minds.
- LGJ

How we think, feel and speak defines us to other people
but what they see is not quite all of what we are is.
- LGJ

Envy and Jealousy

Our family is our refuge and strength. We feel better and secure when we are with them. That is why there are those who stay nearby where their family is, because just the thought that they are not that far in distance from each other brings enough comfort that they have someone they can turn to any time for any thing. Family gatherings are the most special times where all members of the family are present and enjoying wonderful moments together. It is also a time of long chats getting to know what’s new in each other’s lives, upcoming plans, accomplishments and projects. Sometimes it sounds as if they are bragging to show how well they do without thinking that sometimes how they express their pride is undermining others. Being proud of your loved ones, your achievements and accomplishments are not bad because you deserve them. It takes hard work to attain something that would give you such stature and reputation. However, the manner of sharing them with other family members should be done with utmost care that you don’t offend others especially those who are underachievers and are going through a tough time in their life. Surely they are happy for you and proud because you will be bringing the family name to a better stature but they are also human beings who can develop envy and jealousy at some point especially when they feel insecure and low. Depending on the manner of how you share your wonderful blessings; you can either worsen it to ill feelings or you can chill the heat of unfavorable emotions and thoughts due to a developing envy and jealousy. There are those who may say that it is not their fault that they are doing better compared to others, they shouldn’t feel bad of what they have just because some people around them are having less. Yes that is true, but a little consideration and sensitivity to humble yourself a bit will not diminish what you have achieved.

But there are moments, although it is rare to hear in an occasional family gathering, where family members share things about them other than the good sides of their life. Sometimes family members can’t help but share the not so good happenings in their life too as they may find the occasion an opportunity to share their misery with hopes of sympathy from loved ones. No one has it all, they say. There are moments when a person can no longer contain what’s bothering him/her and one just needs someone to talk to about it. It may not necessarily be for the purpose of gaining sympathy or soliciting assistance but to at least get understanding and emotional strength to go through their troubled time most especially from their family. This is also the moment when we have to give further respect and be sensitive to their feelings. Better yet, perhaps it is best not to open up about your blessings for the mean time unless asked about it. Let it unfold and be known to others on its own. But if you hardly could keep it, at least make it a point not to sound so boastful.

Being envious and jealous of others seem to be part of human nature. It is from the drop of jealousy and envy that we draw our ambitions and goals in life. From the tiny drop of envy and jealousy we develop admiration and inspiration. If used in a constructive way, it can serve as our motivators to push through in achieving what we want or even do more because we admire others who are able to get to where we want to see ourselves in a span of time. So we make them as our inspiration to motivate us in succeeding too. However, in most cases, a person gets consumed by his/her envy and jealousy. Instead of developing it to admiration and inspiration, it becomes anger and hatred. And sadly family members are not an exception. Many may be opposed to this but in fact envy and jealousy are pretty common among families and relatives. Normally they don’t show it, hypocrisy is the common practice. They may show you happiness and support for your success but deep within them are their insecurities that is developing to an overwhelming envy and jealousy where covetousness is likely to flare-up. Nevertheless, there are really those who have pure intentions and are really happy for a family member’s success.

In most cases due to envy and jealousy without apparent forethought the family members are silently developing rivalry with each other. It is sad because you are related by blood and you are supposed to be in unity and harmony since you are affiliated by consanguinity. You are supposed to be happy in supporting and helping each other heartily and not just in hypocrisy. There are several factors contributing to envy and jealousy among family members, some of which are the rivalry developed over time from frequent comparisons of one family member to another. Another is the competition as to who is better especially when they start bragging to each other, counting the things they have made and are about to achieve more. There is also the literal show off of their wealth and fortune through their material possessions. Showing off is a person’s choice of expressing pride, contentment or joy to another person but if conveyed with the intent to belittle others, humiliate, disparage or underestimate, it will be provoking.

However, not all envy and jealousy was provoked by the person who happens to be in a fortunate state. There are instances where unknowingly we have detractors from among people who happen to dislike us for whatever reasons we may or may not be aware of. These people are usually the ones who will try to find anything that can possibly damage or discredit us hence; they are also the first ones to find out the good news in our life. There comes a time that no matter how we try to keep a low profile from everyone, a thing just unfolds to others on its own in ways we least expect. Here, clearly there is no ill intention because the truth has been known not only from the person concerned but from other means. Envy and jealousy was not provoked rather developed in those who can’t help but feel bitter because of someone’s achievements. And the more good things and wonderful occurrences they find out about the person, the more they become hostile because they have been consumed by their envy and jealousy.

Notice that when a person does not feel good to you, everything you do is interpreted maliciously regardless of how good your intentions may be. It is because they are trying to find faults in you to use against you. Little do they know that it is stressful and heartbreaking to humble yourself more in trying to reach them yet the efforts are not appreciated rather taken badly every time. It is more distressing and difficult with family members because of the fact that you are affiliated by blood and you have certain expectations from your affiliation which may not be met because of envy and jealousy. So just imagine if you live near each other, you get to see each other all the time, you have more chances to talk and spend time with each other hence it also gives more opportunity for envy and jealousy to likely happen because you get to know and see for yourself what’s new with each other; the things that the other possesses and purchase, the achievements and lifestyles… etc. Seeing more good things happening to another person or family member, one can’t help but feel insecure sometimes with the things that others are able to attain and contribute to the family compared to them. These insecurities if not controlled sooner in the event envy and jealousy will slowly consume the individual’s values and sense of affinity which will dramatically create distance among family members and deteriorate the relationship before they know it. In time it will feel like though they may be physically near yet they seem so far apart from each other. Just think about it, if the occasional family gatherings which rarely happen in a year where almost all family members are present and talks about the recent happenings in their lives, upcoming plans, accomplishments and projects can start jealousy and envy within some family members, what more when you actually live near each other?

A person who succumbs to envy and jealousy is like a rotten tomato that when placed with the good ones will rot them too. They are like bacteria that is decaying everyone around them to go against the person they are envious and jealous of. While on the other hand, a person with a right mind will try not to provoke such by humbling himself/herself and by keeping a low profile. Know that an envious and jealous person can be dangerous because they are capable of treachery even if they are your family.

-          Lizzy Grace E. Johnson

LGJ, August 2011

 

Perhaps it is best not to open up about your

blessings for the mean time unless asked about it.

Let it unfold and be known to others on its own.

But if you hardly could keep it,

at least make it a point not to sound so boastful.

- LGJ

 

A person succumb by envy and jealousy is like

a rotten tomato that when placed with the good ones

will rot them too.

- LGJ

 

Know that an envious and jealous person

can be dangerous because they are capable of

treachery even if they are a family.

- LGJ

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

The family is said to be the basic unit of society. It is where life begins. It is the foundation of a person’s being. Family is a person’s pillar of strength; it gives one a sense of identity. That is why every person would want to know who their real family is, to give sense to their existence and feel complete as a person. However like any other individual, no family is perfect. Even conventional families have their flaws which some members feel uncomfortable with. I guess it depends on how the head of the family manages the household and each member therein. The kind of family that an individual has is shown by how the individual presents himself/herself to others and how each member of the family behaves reflects the heads of the family. That is why parents are a bit uptight and strict most of the time because as much as possible they want to establish a good name for the family in order to be respected by others. Hence, they try to guide every member of the family in doing what is considered acceptable to maintain that good name. However let’s not be misled, each one of us does not necessarily have to be wealthy or powerful with might of strength in positions, status quo or weapons to be respected. Respect is not imposed or required but earned. We will be respected even as an ordinary individual if we earn the respect of others. All we need to do is respect ourselves and respect others as much as we want to be respected because “respect begets respect”.

It may not come as a surprise to know that there are family members who do not see the importance of respect within the family and for the family. When members of the family are being admonished for their actions that seem inappropriate they feel like they are being deprived of their joy without even stopping for a moment to think of how their actions and decisions may affect the family. In most cases people take their families for granted. Maybe because they feel like they have been with them their whole life since birth and since it is where they were molded as the person they have become to this day, they feel like they are in a cell with set of rules to follow and expectations to meet thereby suppressing their freedom of expression and will to do what they feel like doing to attain their hopes, dreams and ambitions for themselves. Each one of us is gifted with intelligence and freewill from which our rights and duties are delivered. That is why at some point we dream for ourselves and we make decisions for ourselves, we create our goals and objectives from our minds for us to follow on our journey to life – one of the reasons why at some point some try to break rules and deviate from the norms because they see it as a hindrance to their ambitions and goals. This could also be the reason behind why at a certain time in our lives we need to be on our own to become independent so we can make a life of our own. But this occasion does not entail leaving and forgetting your family. It just means that we, at some point will have to make a life of our own and maybe eventually make a family of our own too to add to the expanding family tree; to pass on the family legacy; the family name and the values as well as knowledge inculcated to us by our forefathers.

Each family has its own identity. Like any other individual, every family has its own set of qualities and characteristics that are distinctive. Although some are not the conventional type of family we may most likely picture in our mind, what is important is the home they make for every member. A home is where the family lives together harmoniously. A house cannot be a home unless there is harmony among the occupants within it, otherwise a house will only be a structure for a supposed home. If a person feels without a home that implies they are experiencing a problem within their family or household and it will manifest in the person’s personality and way of thinking. The foundation of an individual’s values is from the family an individual comes from or belongs with. So it is not surprising that many define a person based on his/her family background although we make our own identity at some point and as an individual we have our own authenticity yet the shadow of our family remains with us not just in our name but in our personality as well. True that not all families are ideal or soothing to our liking but it is not for us to discriminate. We may not have the privilege of choosing our family to begin with; at least we could be grateful for the opportunity of life they had given us. And with that gift of life given to us, we have the opportunity in our lifetime to use our freewill to pass on or make a difference for the coming generations of our family line. Experience is the best teacher. We learn from our experiences. So from our different experiences in our family we determine right from wrong, good and bad, appropriate and inappropriate ways to nurture and rear a better and wonderful family we can share and be proud of. We may not have a perfect family but at least we can aspire to have a better one.

Needless to say I guess, but no matter what or how our family may be, they are still part of our life. We may not see each other eye to eye or agree with each other’s faults and opinions as well as ways all the time yet they are literally part of us because we have the same blood line. We are affiliated by consanguinity. And blood is thicker than water so no matter what we may become one day, we will always see our family. Although we may not always earn their approval and sympathy to our cause, we know that they will always be there for us when we fall. Even the meanest person on earth is still acknowledged by his/her family, no matter how every member of the family may want to disown him/her for whatever crime he/she may have committed that blemishes the name of the family without integrity and bad credibility, still they can never deny the fact that the person is part of the family.

On the other hand, our family is our refuge and strength. Notice that when a person feels alone because everyone has turned their back and closes their doors, the family will always be the ones that a person will seek refuge for comfort and strength to face trials and stand again after every fall. Maybe because we know well that they will always be there for us and the fact that we are family is something that is binding for life. When we are down and troubled (especially when broke), we always turn to our family for assistance and comfort. Sometimes, just the thought of knowing that they are there already brings comfort. Much more when they show their support and we feel their presence and love in every way, even just in the most simple ways bring not only comfort but ease, peace and joy making us feel better a bit even at our most troubled times. Yet families are taken for granted. Many keep things from their families. Nevertheless, despite the fact that the family is mostly the last to know a member’s skeleton they never turn their back even if it pains them to know. Though there are those who seem tough and hard, I think they just want their family members to know their feelings and perhaps try to change them to their preference but regardless what, they are still willing to accept “the prodigal son” in time. While in some cases they just want their family members to learn the hard way, to really inculcate in their hearts and mind the lesson from the compromising situation they got themselves into. Nevertheless, their being hard has its limitations because I think they can only do until when they still see that they can still pick you up when the circumstances gets worst where you just keep stumbling and fall. Only a person without a heart that is apathetic who will not be moved to act upon a family member’s cry because of the pain and trouble they are going through. As individuals we are not perfect, we all make mistakes. Though we are entitled to our personal opinions and decisions, we are also responsible for the outcomes of our own actions. We cannot always rely on someone else to clean our mess; we have to learn to do it on our own too. At least we know that we have a family who is there for us no matter what. Hence, we will never be alone after all.

Know that we all have our share of responsibilities and contributions to make to our family be it big or small. We have to be aware that in whatever we do, it will always affect our family as well. Our pride is their pride as much as our shame is also their shame. Each member of the family has a role to perform in keeping the family healthy and strong as a unit. The roles may not necessarily be designated upon but eventually you find that out in every turn of events that unfolds over time. Regardless of how small your participation in the responsibilities may be, it is considerably significant otherwise you may not have to do it at all.

Let us not take our family for granted because they will always be the ones left for us when everyone else turns their back and closes their doors. So no matter what happens we should learn to take care of our family as much as our own selves. How every individual’s attitude towards their family says a lot about them as a person. We may not have a perfect family or at least the ideal family we wished for but what is important is the home we have with our family. A family in harmony is a family that is happy.

 

-          Lizzy Grace E. Johnson

LGJ, June 2011

 

 

 

Family is a person’s pillar of strength;
it gives one a sense of identity.
- LGJ

 

Like any other individual,
no family is perfect.

- LGJ

 

Our family is our refuge and strength.
- LGJ

 

Though we are entitled to our personal opinions and decisions,
we are also responsible for the outcomes of our own actions.
We cannot always rely on someone else to clean our mess;
we have to learn to do it on our own too.
- LGJ

 

A family in harmony is a family that is happy.
- LGJ